I miss my mom.

It's 2am. Many of you may read the title and think, "I'm so sorry, her mom died." I don't know which kind of sorrow I'd prefer. Sure, I suppose I don't have it too badly. At least I have a mom, at least I know who she is, at least she offers me no malice. But, here's the thing, my mom is gone. I'm at school now, getting my PhD, well trying. And she's gone. No phone calls, no "I love you"s, no words of wisdom from a sage woman who has been taught by time. Just silence. Yes, I have seen her in the last two months, a sort of emptiness in her eyes. She's like an observer looking into her own empty box. Alcohol...I don't know. Schizophrenia, I also have no idea. But there's talk ... of both... but I don't know. All I know is that I can't see what's in the box. All I know is that the phone doesn't ring, there's no advice there, and it feels like no love. I think there's love, but I don't know. I'd make the phone ring, but I don't know her number. By the way, I'm "Just Christine" now... and she doesn't know. I miss you, Mom. Love, "Just Christine"